She Will No Longer Be Voiceless

The books line the wall in her room
A woman that never stopped collecting
That never stopped reading

She’s been told that as a female she should leave
things such as religious knowledge to those that are male
A woman’s place is within the confines of her home
tending to her children and staying quiet
not to speak until spoken to
not to question why she’s being confined to cultural -subjugation

She watches the television and she listens
Her curiosity is sparked
She is intrigued
She’s internally fighting against this subjugation
not understanding why these women that looks just like her are speaking of this religious liberation

The sound of children quickly fades away as she listens to the television screen
Her heart is racing
Tears are falling
She covers her face with the same hands that has nurtured the womb of her home
The baby that lies within her kicks and kicks
against her body
She feels her son pounding against her
Her body is sore
Her heart is broken

She doesn’t understand why these women on television are speaking about this freedom that she has yet to see
She doesn’t understand why these men that they call their husbands are teaching them about the religion
She is confused and angry

What is it within the confines of these books freeing these women? What is keeping these women from experiencing this same pain that penetrates the inside of my body? The inside of my mind? Why are these women smiling and strong? How can they speak with such words? Why are they not like me when they are me? Their clothing is similar to mines, but their life is so different.

She is angry and frustrated
She can no longer take this state of utter confusion
The nurturer of her home will no longer be sentenced to life in prison
Her voice will no longer be silenced by men that are ignorant of their own religion
Her body will not carry a son that will treat women as if they were not the protector that protected them in the confines of their bodies
She is done
Her ears have heard enough
Her heart has been inclined to something more
than just the title of “good mother”
She will now live up to the name in which her mother had given her
Amatullah

It has been three years
Divorced and with three children
Her home is a library of knowledge
A place of liberation
Her tears are no longer tears of pain
but tears of freedom
She is no longer the slave to cultural-subjugation
she is the servant of her Lord
She sits down with her children every night
Reading pages and pages of books
Written by Islamic scholars
Perusing the local newspaper to see the world around her
Realizing that one must change their own condition
Realizing that one’s purpose is to worship the Creator
and not the man that they are married to
and not the the children that they bore
and not the cultural-norms that are expected of them

She watches her children read and read
Their smiles bring her satisfaction
She has named her daughters “Amatullah”
and her son “Abdullah”

For they will forever be the servants of God
They will always know that worship is only for their Lord
and nobody else

She will no longer be speechless
Her books will forever line the walls of her home
They will forever be the freedom that she has long sought

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