I Wonder

I wonder if you know that this oh-so-frequent
Pain will never free me from a constricted heart
That this permanently-disfigured-no-longer-pumping-blood-but pain
Heart will never be the same
That sometimes I feel less than human, partially dead
Always leaving me breathless, sometimes motionless
T hat this pain seems to linger even in good times
That this pain is always triggered
By a trigger that kills another young soul on the 5’oclock news
I wonder if you know that bullets will penetrate even the hardest of hearts,
The hardest of thugs and wannabes

I wonder if you know that your dark-chocolate-glistening skin radiates when the sun hits it
Making you the epitome of black beauty
I wonder if you know that I cry tears of hope and mercy
That I pray for you even when I’m left speechless
And mentally unprepared to speak

I wonder if you know that I lay awake at night
Repeating your name just to think that everything will be alright and that your soul will never be taken in the darkest of night

I wonder if you know that you make life
Seem a little less dark even when you’re stuck
Finding your way in this confusing world
Always thinking that we can fight the world
Even if we aint Batman and Robin
Feeling as if we could be young and never grow old until God took our souls
Where your smile will always leave a blueprint in my heart
And your pain will always stain me eternally
Leaving me half-emptied and without completeness
Your essence is apart of my presence
You will always be my inspiration even in your absence
But sadly,
This feels like another rerun
Another black-boy running after bittersweet dreams
That will leave him breathless in these streets
Another mother paralyzed and deeply bruised
Feeling like a fatal casualty
With a shattered heart that can never be pieced together with words of comfort

I wonder if you know that death doesn’t discriminate
That one day your name will earn its fame and glory
And you will be the star of your own obituary
I wonder if you’re listening, finding your way in those dark streets
Because we miss you
And bullets will penetrate even the hardest of hearts.

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