****Self-Reflective Poem ********

Day One
English class
20 students
20 untold stories
Sitting quietly
Yearning and seeking to find ourselves
In he or she
And we
We placed our hearts in the hands of strangers
And she told me to tell my story
So I told them that
I am love unrestrained
Fractured pieces/ shattered hymns/broken dreams
All spun into the record of my life
I am
Feminine and masculine
No walls/no barriers
A beating drum on fire
A dancer swaying to unsung lyrics
Without rhythm
Hands open-wide
Heart open-shut
Scared and frightened
I am walking struggle and pain
Riddled in my yesterdays
Sometimes confused
Not sure what to do or which way to go
Home-sick from girlhood
Woman I am
Have I grown-up too fast?
Had thoughts about boys too many times?
Took one too many glances?
Thought one too many crazy thoughts?
I am a battlefield and sometime I’m my own enemy
I am a poem unspoken
Cameos unheard on my tongue
Curly locks unrestrained
Age 13
I felt like a woman in a young girl’s body
Confused on the true essence of a woman
Torn between my body and girlhood
Too afraid to unravel the sacred scrolls within my soul
I was young and unable to understand
That I was not yet woman, but not a young girl
I was in between the two
I was fragmented into pieces at 13
8 years later
I am 21
I am many years down the road and my heart bleeds truth
It bleeds these words that’s been deeply hidden within the confines of my body
I am a woman
I am a warrior
I am beautiful
I am strong
I am closed-off parts exposed
I am innocence dipped in wet-dreams
Cartoons turned explicit
I am the fusion of my now and then
I am sweet kisses and cinnamon spice
Cotton candy and ginger
I am the merging together of my binaries
I am good and bad
Love and hate
Sweet and bitter
I am the moon and the stars
The sun and the earth
My own universe
I am the temple of my scared thoughts
I am the drummer of my own drum
The notes to my own lyrics
The voice of my own choir
I am love-struck at times
Sometimes trembling with desire
Moved by sweet words
And climaxed into pleasure
I am a revolution unfolding
Uncovering
Revealing itself through the open wounds of my words
I am more than broken dreams and unsung hymns
I am note-book opened
Crossed-out words
Doodles in margins
Ripped out pages trashed
Volcanoes erupting/erupted
Nostalgia/Nostalgic
My soul is burning/was burning
To be its own liberator
To soar/to fly/ to go beyond all limitations
To make passionate love to this thing called life
But I am scared/ was scared/ too scared to uncover the bloody wounds that lies deep within this body
Covered in the pains of the world
So, I extend these hands
Raise them high
And pray
Crying out these eulogies because I’ve died too many times before
So, I wonder if I could carve out my heart and offer it as sacrifice
Because “Oh God, ya Allah, my life, my death, my prayers are for you”
And maybe if I offer you all I have
My heart
You can forgive me for my inadequacies and short-comings
Because every time I write a poem God
I give the people a part of my heart
So just know that you’ll never get all of me
But you’ll definitely get the best of me
Because sometimes my world feels as if its crashing
And all I have is my heart to give
And that I am shattered pieces scattered.

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