I only write letters to myself to remember the beauty of something so intimate as letters. I remember writing letters to friends back in middle-school. It was exciting to write a letter and to wait for the reply. Unfortunately, I don’t know many people that still do this. However, I want to write letters. I want to re-ignite that feeling of exposing true feelings. I’m not sure, but letters always come across to me as being intimate.
In trying to be as honest as possible, I want to write about being a loner. I can’t officially label myself as a loner, but I do spend much time alone. Sometimes it is out of neccesity while on the other hand, it is just social-withdrawl. Being a loner makes a person aware of their very being. It makes you realize who you are and what you are. Sometimes hanging in crowds can swallow you alive. I am not a big fan of crowds for this reason. I am strictly talking about having a crowd of friends. When I was in middle-school I experienced this. The circle of friends I had hung around was so big that you lost the value of a true and intimate relationship. There wasn’t that connection. Most times, the connections were superficial. It was lifeless.
I am not a true loner because I do talk to a handful of friends. I like to keep close-knit relationships. Going to an occasional gathering or hanging out is fine, but nothing too frequent. It is really important that I can create a bond with someone versus creating a superficial connection that will never sustain itself for long.
However, my status of a loner is quite true. I spend most days in my own thoughts. Maybe it is due to my free time, but I think otherwise. For the most part, I have been like this for a long time. Over the past two years, I have molded myself into living a rather intimate life. Sure, I have always had friends, but I value my own space. Space is pretty big for me. Space provides an individual with movement, peace and privacy. Also, it can make you get in touch with your own feelings and personal goals.
Now, I will not make myself the poster-child for loners. I think there is good in being alone and knowing how to be alone. However, I believe humans are social-creatures. We want companionship and someone we can mingle with. It is natural. We all yearn for conversation, a touch, a hug and a good laugh. So, I think a good balance between being alone and being with people is important.
So, I am just trying to balance the two. Sometimes we have to get out of our comfort zone and experience people if we are loners or vice versa. We all know what we need. We do. We sometimes have to be persistent in getting it.