Making Sense of Things


   In the current moment I am sitting in the bathroom at 12:38 A.M. I have no other reason in doing this besides simply wanting to bleed my heart out to the world. I do not know the names of the people that will come across this piece of writing, but I can only hope that this writing, my innermost thoughts will cause someone to derive some kind of benefit from it in one way or another.
        In the course of the last few months, I have traveled from one space to another. Most of these spaces, if not all, aren’t meant for me. I sleep in various places in which I can’t claim home. However, it is within these spaces that I have realized the importance of appreciating experiences in whatever form in which they may come. It is in these experiences that I have challenged myself into facing my own shortcomings, recognizing my own weaknesses and developing my own sense of independence.
           I do not know of a place in this world in which I can truly claim my own. So, I will classify myself as a nomad. I am a traveler. I am constantly moving. I am never settled in one spot. I have learned the craft of picking up and going. I tend to travel light and with just my necessities. I do not own anything besides a few items: clothes, shoes, a bike, cellphone and small things that can be packed away in my backpack. I mostly commute by bike or bus from one place to the next. I do not seek sympathy from anyone because this is a journey that I am going on and must learn from.
          Unfortunately, I have lost many people and found myself compromising values that I had once held dear to me. Maybe I am simply going through that stage of life in which I am trying to figure out what I truly need and want. Or it could simply be about me just experiencing life for what it is. I’m not sure about all of this, but I am a bit scared. Nonetheless, I feel grateful for being able to experience the things I have experienced. I wouldn’t say that experience is always the best teacher, but it is quite helpful. I’ve made plenty of mistakes along the way, so I am learning.
       In going through this nomadic period of my life, I feel as if I am alone. In many ways, I am alone. I create my own darkness and I am able to create my own light. It is usually ourselves that prevent us from continuing forward. It is definitely easier said than done, and I know this for a fact. Sometimes it can feel as if you’re going around in circles because nothing is changing. I must admit that I feel like this on most days. I live a nomadic lifestyle that is very routine – like. I wake up from wherever that may be, jump on my bike or a bus and go to work. After work, I jump on my bike or bus and head to some place to rest my head for the evening. This is my life.
       Along the way, I have met some amazing people and have done some incredible and less – than incredible things. So, I am running across some interesting things in life. Nonetheless,  I believe I live in this manner because I do not have a place I can call my own. I will not ignore the fact that this issue could be classified as a first – world problem. So, I completely accept that. Unfortunately, many of us live like this.
     Many of us live in these less – than acceptable conditions because we feel stuck and unable to take that next step. Indecisiveness can be the worst thing in world, especially when it comes down to our own welfare. We all come from different places and circumstances, so we understand what faces us on a daily- basis. Fortunately, it can sometimes take that one voice of reason and hope to push us into taking that next vital step.
       In being nomadic, I try to rely on myself in keeping a level-head while dealing with the daily adventures of life. In being the decision-maker of your own life, it is extremely important to know what is best for you. Only you can truly know what is best for you. Sure, we can take advice from people, but we have to be able to decide what we want for ourselves at the end of the day. This is not easy. It requires some real honesty with ourselves. I’ve made terrible mistakes, but after making those mistakes I have learned what to do and what not to do. However, this is easier said than done.
       So, in seeking to live a life that is appropriate for me I have to trust in myself and my choices. It’s really hard when you have doubts and that negative voice inside of you trying to prevent you from being all that you can be. There’s been days I have wanted to just hide under the covers away from the world, but I knew the this wouldn’t solve any problem. So, you have to get up and go.
     Many mornings, I just hop on my bike or a bus and just go. It would be easier to get in a car, but I am learning to seek contentment in the things that I already have. It’s hard not having a place that I can call my home, but it has caused me to work even harder to make it an actual space for myself. I travel a lot from different places, but I manage to take away one thing from living the way that I do.
      I have learned to never stop striving for what I want. You have to keep going. You cant stop. You must do what you need to do in order to get where you want to be


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