A Letter to Daddy

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Dear Daddy,

You’ve hurt me. You’ve killed me. You’ve drained me, but I love you.

You’ve told me of my flaws and mistakes. You’ve shown me your disapproval, but I love you.

You’ve rendered me unsanitary. You’ve classified me as whore. You’ve scolded me for my choice, but I love you.

You’ve drug me through the hearts of men to find you, but you weren’t there. You’ve castrated me, so I may never find pleasure from men. You’ve confiscated my heart, so a man may never have it, but I love you.

You’ve made me cry in the world without me wanting to run back into your arms. You’ve made me hate to love what is male, but I always try to piece together love for you.

You’ve made me see you as other than just father.

You are human.
You pain too.
You have flaws too.
You cry too.
You’ve made mistakes too.
You’ve been where I am too.

But father, my loving father, you have drained me. You have hurt me. You have killed me. You have killed me.

So, I find father in other places. I try finding love in others, but I cant.

The thought of you will forever riddle in my mind.

You are a virus and you’ve taken all control.

I live and sleep thinking of you. You are present even when you’re absent. I hear your voice even when I’m miles away.

Daddy, I love you.

I love you even when there’s too much pain to admit it, but I love you.

I am not your little girl anymore.  I am woman. I am adult. I am with flaws. I am with mistakes. I will never be perfect. I will never be your reflection.

I am me.
I am me.

Love,
Your daughter

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