Choosing to not be Apologetic


     It can be a lot easier to simply yield to whatever life gives you. It can be a lot easier to pretend that you don’t feel the excruciating pain. It can be a lot simpler to forego the void that you feel internally, but it’s not that simple. It will never be that simple. The pain within will always remind you that you are human. You are not a robot. You will feel that pain. You will always find yourself being reminded that being human is hardwork.
           So, what do you do? Where do you begin? You will and can never free yourself from the emotional roller-coaster that you’re on without admitting that it’s there. I’ve tried it. I’ve tried finding hobbies and ways to mask the hurt, but it doesn’t go away. It sticks to you. It becomes a part of you. The human response is fight or flight. In most cases, I am running away from myself. I disconnect from me. So, I roam the Earth fleeing from myself. Do you know that feeling of fleeing from yourself? It’s a feeling of never being able to be at peace with yourself, so you’re always running. You’re always running to a place that doesn’t exist. You’re trying to search for a place of peace when the first place you should look at is within. Peace starts from within. The answer to everything starts from within.
       The answer to freeing ourselves from the pain is to not be apologetic. I will never enjoy the pain that resides inside of me, but I will never feel regretful for feeling it. To feel is to be human. I want to always feel. I want to know that I am here. I am alive. I want to know that my emotions are warranted. I do not feel ashamed in saying that I feel. However, I will not be silenced because of the things I feel. I had chosen for a long time to practice silence, but I cant do it anymore. To be silent is to kill myself.


One thought on “Choosing to not be Apologetic

  1. Regretting and feeling remorseful are signs of a true slave who is actually seeking forgiveness from his/her Master.

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