A Memory Worth Yearning For

You slaughtered the little girl in me
And I opened up, blossomed for you, for me
you tasted the bitterness in my heart, but you ravished scandalously in the woman I became, didn’t you?
you plucked away too many years of my oppression and reveled in what you found
our bodies would come-hither with no reservations
and I delighted in it
you bit me, you vampire, you caused a death, another life to be born of me
I hate you, I despise you, but I desire everything about you
I seek refuge from you, but you call me without speaking
I come racing to find you but you’re just a memory
a memory that infuriates, intoxicates
leaves me yearning for more

Advertisements

No Regrets: Just Southern Boy Hospitality

You told me not to tell her that I loved you
That I loved you in color
Loved you like a morning’s sunrise cracking open free into full bloom
Not to let her know that my name is stained across your lips with forever written in permanent ink
Like our love-story/engraved in the broken/most intimate parts of our souls
That you/that I
Found God in the prayers of our pain
That we’re both two wounded hearts breaking free
That I became hands open wide catching your tears
Planting my all, the seed of my love into your broken soul
That you kept me up late in conversations
Under the night’s skies with the moon and stars as witnesses/witnessing us catching flame to the igniting of this intimacy
That we made great love in the bedsheets of our most intimate thoughts
I never thought I would hate you for the memories you left burning as the centerpiece of my soul
Leaving remnants of our yesterdays within the closet of my heart
Leaving clever lies and empty promises rotting at the gate of my heart
Making me believe your words as truth like divine scripture
To only find your love as truthful as the promises you never kept
And you told me to come back, that you loved me
My love, did you forget?
Did you forget that you left bruises in my heart?
The taste of betrayal upon my lips
Shattered pieces of love across my soul
Distress written in the notebook of my thoughts
And I’ve always said I’ll never allow a man to lay his hands on me
And I guess I was right
Because your hands never found their way/their home on my body
Just the lies that you left in my heart with the rotten love you kept behind
I never knew abuse until I found you
Finding you heart-broken/shattered pieces scattered/broken in all of the wrong places
But you, you left me fractured and tortured in the prison you left of me
With my hands being a burial-ground of the hell you left for me
I unraveled my soul for a man that was less than a king for his queen
So, tell her
Tell her I was everything you never deserved
I was everything you couldn’t be
Honest
Real
Committed
And that a real Southern boy with Southern hospitality wouldn’t call the morning after with another woman’s name still heavy on his lips, mistaking her for me
And that your game ain’t that tight because I heard the hesitation bleeding through the phone
As if she was in the next room over
Unfolding herself from the mess you made of her
And I’m sure you’re lustfully in love with her
Coming easy in her ears to come quickly in between her thighs to simply leave her
But unlike the others,
I will love me whole and never in parts
Split-opened-exposed for a man who just needs a quick fix
And that I will sinfully love me whole
Without regrets

Remember Your Children Are Watching and You're Responsible

Assalamu Alaykom,

One thing we all can agree on is that the upbringing of a child is important. However, we may differ on what qualifies as being a good upbringing. As a Muslim, Islam has laid out guidelines in raising children. Yes, we all are in different situations and have various circumstances when it comes to our children. Some Muslim families are nuclear, single-parents, extended, and inter-cultural and inter-faith based. So, we have this reality on the table. We cannot deny this is the reality for many of us globally.

Islam is meant to be a mercy for the people, so it shouldn’t be hard. Also, Islam is easy and simple. In knowing this, Islam can only provide easiness for a person who strives to practice this religion.

Islam has told the parent/guardian over children and teenagers that ” The Prophet (s) said: “Allah (SWT) will ask every caretaker about the people under his care, and the man will be asked about the people of his household” (Nasa’i, Abu Da’ud). Parents/Guardians are responsible for the individuals in their care and they will be held to this responsibility until they are asked about it by their creator.

In addition, the head of the household is told that their primary responsibility is to keep themselves and their families from falling into error and landing themselves in the hellfire. The head of the household should teach, educate and be active in the family. There should be mutual love and understand between the family members. Allah states in the Quran, ““O you who believe! Ward off yourselves and your families against a Fire (Hell) whose fuel is men and stones, over which are (appointed) angels stern (and) severe, who disobey not, (from executing) the commands they receive from Allah, but do that which they are commanded” (Tahrim 66:6).

Also, It is really interesting to see how girls are one of the primary focuses for head of households because there was a time in which girls were simply ignored and seen as less than their male-counterpart in society. The prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) stated that “Whoever is in charge of any of these girls and treats them well, they will be a shield for him against the Fire” (Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 5649; Muslim, 2629). Also, he said that The Prophet Muhammad, sallallahu alayhi wa sallam said, was also reported to have said: “Whoever has a female (daughter) and doesn’t bury her alive nor scorn her nor give preference to his male child over her, Allah will admit him to Paradise.” (Abu Dawood)

So, It is a blessing to have and to raise a daughter in Islam.

Also, in rearing children it is important to be just and to remember they are individuals with feelings. The prophet Muhammad said that the one who is not merciful towards others than God will not be merciful towards them. So, one must be mindful of their treatment to their child(ren).

Furthermore, the children should be raised in a household in which Islam is taught or lived out on a daily basis. Sadly, some parents simply expect the local mosque or Islamic-school to raise their children but this is not the case. One must understand that education starts at home. Islam should be seen as a way of life. It should be seen as a beautiful thing too. Of course, there should be joy, laughter, love, playfulness and education all at the same time. Islam shouldn’t be seen as a way of life that is hard, bothersome and restrictive. If one was to live Islam in this matter than it would only lead to the children growing up to hate and to distance themselves from such a lifestyle.

A Painful Love

The little girl within her wants to cry
Wrap her hands around the waist of her mother
place her head upon her chest
just to hear the beating of her mother’s heart
anyone’s heart
just to know that she is living
finding her image in the mirror as fragmented as her bruised soul
dying daily from the sweet words of a man
that has left her lifeless
life less than sweet
Sweet and innocent before she was turned out
Out came the reality of being young and in love
in love without precaution
precautions about men and being love
she a young woman
a woman that has grown closer to He
realizing that He has placed within her womb
a young boy that will massage her heart back to health
bring her back to life
life was more than memories of sweet words and his unfulfilled promises
the pulling of her flesh within her body brings her into tears
bleeding internally
yearning for more than an occasional conversation and an occasional visit
she bleed tears of regret
feeling the kicking of a being needing her sweet words
needing her comfort and love
she grows everyday
growing into a woman that has only yearned to be his counterpart
part girl part woman
unable to hold back her tears
unable to stop wondering why she is another woman that has fallen for a dream
a dream of true love
a dream of marital bliss and glam
the little girl in her is racing to the place she calls safe
finding her way next to the chest of her mother
hearing the beating of a heart
that hasn’t stopped beating
hasn’t stopped pumping
a woman now
a girl she isn’t
finding herself dangling between the two
dangling between being that girl that just want to cry away her pain
and being that woman that just want to question why she has grown up too fast
this is just another narrative
another experience of another woman
finding her way in a world in which sweet words and promising promises are not always so sweet or promising