The Unveiling of the Person in the Mirror

One of the hardest things for any of us to do is to accept the person we see in the mirror. The reality of the matter is that we know ourselves better than anyone else in this world. I can honestly say that this is definitely a hard thing for me. I think we can be our own worst critics, but I think we can sometimes over-estimate ourselves. Of course, we should strike a balance in our lives. However, if we were brutally honest and sought to uncover the multiple layers of our very being than many of us would be quite shocked to find out who we really are.

This unveiling of our deepest selves is scary. It really is. This is quite similar to peeling back the layers of an onion. The act of peeling away ourselves is brave, scary, victorious and possibly rewarding. In my bucket-list of things to do in this life, I want to unfold the layers of my being. I’ve tried to peel back the various layers of my identity, but I think I sometimes get scared and just stop. I think one of the worst feelings in the world is denying your true feelings. I’m not for lying just for the sake of lying, but I think if you’re unable to be honest with yourself than how can you be honest with another individual? And I think it is really interesting how someone can tell you about you. This may sound ironic, but it isn’t. If someone is close to you then they are capable of pinpointing things that you’ve may not have seen before.

Over the last few days, I’ve found myself struggling with the unveiling of my true self. On one hand, you can totally think the world about yourself. However, you can totally be the opposite. I’m not saying that this whole thing is easy to do because it isn’t. My own weirdness isolates me from people which pushes people away. Sometimes I believe that solitude can drive you insane. I think your thoughts can sometimes overwhelm you and cause you to shrivel up internally. I definitely do believe that socializing is healthy because we need human-interaction. However, too much socialization can make us forget about ourselves and our needs and wants.

With anything, there needs to be insight. The mirror will always remain distorted if we aren’t willing to accept who we are. We don’t have to be okay with what we find as we peel away the layers of ourselves, but we have to face what we find. I have several weaknesses and several strengths, but I have a problem with admitting them. I think that the unveiling of our beings can unravel so many things internally. Sometimes we’re just caged birds trying to catch flight. We are sometimes prisoners of our own thoughts and emotions. So, the unveiling of the person in the mirror can be the key to unlock what is hidden from within.

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A Lesson on Love: Her Story

I wonder how she feels when he unhooks her, one layer at a time
Exposing little by little the most intimate parts of her
Unwrapping her, to find her as needy, as beautiful, as shy, as seductive, as hurt, as strong as the next person
leaving her vulnerable and exposed
Does his perfectly wrapped, warm hands around her body make her quiver all the way down to her toes in euphoria?
Does his piercing gaze into her eyes cause her heart to become erected in ecstasy?
Does his lips, his warm and welcomed lips, cause her to melt within the kiss?
I wonder how she feels when he says “I love you” gracefully and passionately off the tip of his tongue with no regret/ with no holding back.
Does her adrenaline rush with a racing heart that beats like riveting African drums?
Does she bite her lip, just slightly, extremely seductively, enough for him to take notice, that he had discovered the address to her heart?
Does she count-down the days he will stay or will she paralyze such thought and love without an expiration date?
Does she disarm herself of all uncertainties and allow for him to love her passionately?
Does she admire the way he looks at her when they are alone in the bliss of their own world?
Does she feel beautiful and dangerously striking when he sees her naked and bare in the face that she adorns in makeup publicly?
I wonder how she feels when she is alone
Does she feel dangerously seductive, attractive and beautiful in her own bed/ in her own thoughts?
Does she understand that she is whole in solitude without him?
Does she love herself dangerously and without regret when he is not present?
I wonder how she will feel when she finds herself to be a lover of herself.

Your Questions

You ask why I think so much
Why I tend to bury my thoughts between the pages of my notebooks
And you wonder why I find solace in the chaos of my mind
Where there is nothing but complexity

And I laugh at your questions
Not really knowing how to answer or what to think since I think more than I write
Sometimes feeling like a bird in flight, so I just go without any intended destination
Or sometimes I just sit idle in the bed of my thoughts

Saturday Night's Final Thoughts

Assalamu alaykom (Peace Be Upon You),

Over the last week I have found myself going skating on a daily-basis to let off some steam, but it wasn’t until I pulled out my prayer-rug and read Qur’an that I found true contentment. It was a different kind of contentment. It’s a kind of contentment that is reassuring. I’ve thought about the Eid and how I may have to pass on attending the Eid-prayer on Tuesday, inshALLAH due to a science-lab that I have on the morning of the Eid. I’ve never missed an Eid’s prayer since I’ve been Muslim, but I guess this time will be an exception. It kills me, but it’s just a choice I may have to make, inshALLAH. I absolutely love celebrating the Eid (the day of happiness/festivity) with others. I usually get a new outfit, go out to attend the morning-prayer, and do things afterwards in celebration of the day. InshALLAH, I will still celebrate the Eid, but I may just miss the prayer- which is the best part for me. It’s so moving and exciting. I absolutely love it. It’s a beautiful beginning for the start of an Eid. So, I’m not sure what I’m going to do. Allah knows best! I will pray about this.

However, I read Surah Hajj and Surah Muminoon over the last two hours and found myself just startled. Why startled? I don’t know. Just reading Qur’an just makes you slow down and think about the bigger picture. We are all going through our own issues and problems and Qur’an reminds us that life on Earth isn’t a paradise. We are here to strive and worship. However, don’t get it twisted and think we have to be angels because we aren’t. We are human-beings dealing with the trials and tribulations of life.

“To Him (God/Allah) belongs what is in the heavens and what is on the earth. And indeed, Allah is the Free of need, the Praiseworthy” -22:64

I’m not perfect and will never claim to be, but I am very much an individual that seeks to live a life in a way that offers meaning. There’s this reality that while we enjoy the life of this world there is the life of the hereafter. In Islam, there aren’t saints. There aren’t monasteries or convents. So, there is no such thing as withdrawing from the world because a Muslim should be able to balance the world and their spiritual-life. And this is a trial for many because some have taken much of this world as their final resting place when it’s not. In between living life, there are the five-daily prayers. In between having a good time, there are obligations we must give to others. Our spouses have rights over us. Our neighbors have rights over us. Our children have rights over us. Our parents have rights over us. Our pets have rights over us. Our Lord have rights over us. We have to always strike that balance, so right now…I’m trying to strike that balance.

Sometimes I find myself dipping my hands in too many things at once. In doing this, I cause myself to get burnt out and to just withdraw from people. Many times when I get overtly stressed out, I just write, skate or just listen to something. It’s my therapy. In many ways, this is my reason for blogging. It’s a form of therapy. It’s a form of self-expression. Not only is it self-expression, but it’s something that I enjoy. And sometimes, I just like to be by myself. I like to sit out in nature and just watch the world around me. I do many things, but I also isolate myself too. I like to seek that balance between my social and personal-life. It’s quite important for me to reflect on my personal-life. I believe I am like this because of Islam. Islam really humanizes me. It makes me look at the world as a whole. Also, it causes me to look at my own life and the relationships that I have with others. It strips me of everything and causes me to think critically about myself. And this is what I need. This is what we all need. We just need to sometimes be real with ourselves and not lie about the reality of our lives and how we live them.

Just some Saturday night’s thoughts.

This Love

I am mad love
racing across your lips
sunshine lighting up your darkness
sweet melodies dancing in your thoughts
love spells keeping you content
through the broken hymns of your yesterdays
stitching you up carelessly by this love
that can never heal you except by Divine intervention.

A Love Like No Other

I want to collapse within your arms
Ride upon the tidal waves of your words
Become immersed in your thoughts
Rest my heart upon yours
Lie limp while listening to your secrets
Indulge in a world that is secretly ours
Gaze upon one another
Watching one another breathe
Matching our heart beats with one another
Placing our hands upon each others heart
Feeling our bodies intertwine
Beating like drums
Racing like cars dashing down an open road
Our eyes meet
Looking within each other’s windows
Seeing fear, love, excitement and hurt
Tears racing down his face
Shattering upon my hands
Lifting his head
Wiping away his tears
Smiling
Holding onto his hands and whispering
“My love, I will never leave you. I will always be right here”