In life, you can truly go through painful moments. These moments are probably the worst moments of all because they do something to you. They create a new ‘you’ that wasn’t there before. Like anything else in life, you deal with it. However, that is too simplified of a comment to make. I am human. You are human. We are constantly whirling in and out of each other’s lives. We make a difference within the world. In reading “Anais Nin: A Woman Speaks,” Nin talks about this exact reality. We can affect the world around us and the world can affect us. As individuals, we can project certain energies outside of ourselves. If we are laughing then you may end up finding the next person laughing because of you. Yesterday, I rode my bike around and caught the bus back home. The bus-driver was extremely social and happy. She made me happy, as well. Her positive energy projected onto me. Similarly, this is like any of us. We can affect people. I can definitely say that I am certainly struggling myself with life and I could certainly project negative energy with no problem at all. However, what good does that do? What will I accomplish with this kind of attitude?

I’m not saying that we can’t be upset or even hurt because I am. I’ve felt the burning feel of just wanting to run away and leave. I’m not sure where I would go, but I would just leave. I would just isolate myself in a corner of the Earth and live. Now, I understand the unrealistic nature of this, but this is where I’ve been and where I can be. Nothing is worst than having to contend with pain. This pain can either lead to positivity or negativity. We can direct our pain into positive energy through: art, music, prayer, meditation, talking, running, writing, and etc. One thing I have learned early-on is that negative energy has to be directed or channeled in a constructive way or else it will over-take you.

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She Walked Off and Left Her Prayer Rug with Me!

The majority of Muslims that I know usually find themselves pacing up and down hallways to find an empty room to pray in. Or they may find themselves praying in between book-shelves in libraries or under staircases. However, I usually try to resort to a classroom, if possible. It’s just apart of going to school. Sometimes you have to become creative and just pray anywhere…even in a parking-lot.

So, today wasn’t any different from yesterday for me or any other Muslim. I had to scout out a place to pray. It was time for salatul-dhur, the middle-of-the-day prayer. In preparing to pray, I had to make a quick stop to the ladies’ room to make wudu(ablution) to purify myself. After making wudu, I got on my game face. I was in search of a room…any empty room. I pulled out my tactics for such a search. I was adamant that I would find a room without having to trudge to another building for a place to pray. So, I started to walk down the hall and found an empty room that was dark. Yes, this was perfect. I walked into the empty room and almost had a heart-attack. I knew I would be meeting the Creator at that point. I saw a person in the room. I almost fainted. I definitely wasn’t expecting that. However, it was another Muslimah making salatul-dhur. So, I closed the door and turned on the lights.

I took my place, faced the qiblah(Mekkah) and started to pray. As I was praying, she placed her prayer rug in front of me. I didn’t have one on me. So, I thought that was really cool. I continued to pray and she left the room. After I prayed, I folded up the mat and thought she would be waiting on me so I could return to her the mat. Nope, she was gone. I searched the computer-lab that was across the hall and the ladies’ room, but nothing. I couldn’t believe it. She walked off and left her prayer-rug with me. Alhumdulilah. All praise be to Allah. I will never forget this deed. She gave her fellow sister a prayer-rug to pray on. She didn’t have to do that. She could’ve just prayed on it and took it with her, but no. She gave it to me to pray on. SubhanALLAH, All praise be to Allah. I will never forget this day.

How many of us just do a good deed and not necessarily want anything back for doing it? I’m not sure if she had to do something or rush-off, but she left her mat with me. All I can do is hope to see her and make du’a (supplication) that I am able to return her mat and that she get rewarded immensely for such a beautiful deed. May Allahswt forgive her of her sins and give her jannatul-firdaws. Ameen ya rubb!

Her Heart Beats

He laughs as she takes his hand
cradles it against her beating heart
letting him know God will always provide and make a way
that tears are simply a sign of God’s mercy
that no matter the difficulty and pain
that the heart will always beat
beating on and on like a melody that will never stop
but will always continue like a stream of water
giving life to all things around it
that God will always give us a way and provide for us
even when we feel like the condemned of society
even when we feel like we are no longer important individuals
even when the world may seem like dismissing us
due to our strangeness
Where our supplications are the only things in which we hang on to in our times of need
where we hear the beating sound of our hearts
because in it is life
in heart there is good
and she let him listen
and feel
the beating of the heart
the pulsing of something good
of something that sustains
of something that keeps him going
where the angel that resides within will always entreat him to something of goodness
he weeps like a child
bowing down like a beggar to his Lord
seeking his aid
finding within this limp body
reliance
trust
her heart beats like a melody that doesn’t stop
showing him that life must go on
and that through hardship
one must fall down onto his knees
and pray
for the heart beats
for life goes on

Her Recitation-That Hour

my friend Dima Bitar

She stands in a crowd

Of sisters

Glorifying her Lord in poetry

Describing the day in which a mother will sell her own baby

Describing a day in which our own accounts will be asked about

She cries

Gasping for air

Realizing that each and every one of our hours will come

She grabs hold to the mike

Shaking and trembling

Realizing that such a day will come

Understanding that our deeds will be tabulated

Taking notice that our sins will be asked about

Seeing people in the hellfire or in the Jannah

She praises ALLAH

Alhumdulilah Rabil-Alameen

She smiles

She wipes her face

And looks in the crowd of familiar and unfamiliar face

Noticing tears andĀ unrelentingĀ pain across the audience

Her fear of ALLAH increases

Silently she asks for his forgiveness

She stands on a stage

Facing everyone

Realizing that we will only be the one standing Before ALLAH

without parents

without friends

without our pets

We will be held accountable for our own on that Day